Boundaries, Balance, and Belonging: Reflecting on your Relationships
40 Questions to Assess, Deepen, and Strengthen Your Relationships
Relationships.
The glue that holds our communities and our society together. Relationships shape our self-perception, influence our well-being, and determine the quality of our lives. But how do we know if our relationships are truly serving us?
This broad topic encompasses many aspects and areas to consider. There are platonic friendships that offer connection, a sense of belonging, and trust. Romantic and intimate relationships, on the other hand, can bring love, excitement, deep connection, and adoration. We also have relationships with colleagues, other acquaintances in our lives, family members, and ourselves.
Intimacy is often discussed as relating only to romantic relationships. The word "intimacy" can sometimes be used interchangeably when discussing physical expressions of love. Still, friendships can also have a profound connection and closeness, contributing to platonic intimacy in one's life. When we talk about relationships, it is important I mention boundaries, as well. Boundaries act like fences between properties—they define where we end and another person begins. Healthy relationships respect these limits, ensuring both closeness and autonomy.
Now that we've defined what we are talking about, how do we know if the relationships in our lives are on the right track? Why would that be an essential thing to consider?
I talk with my clients frequently about their relationships. A lack of meaningful relationships, and therefore a lack of belonging, can add to loneliness, increased shame, and feelings of not being loved and not being good enough. This lack of connection, over time, can eat away at a person's self-worth and value and sometimes perpetuate an inaccurate narrative of "I am unlovable."
When we experience relationships filled with tension, hurt, or mistrust, we may develop narratives centered on toxicity and pain. Because we humans are wired for connection, we sometimes ignore red flags rather than risk losing a bond. This wiring can cause us to bypass or ignore the pain and hurt we may experience in our relationships, leading to - at times - unbalanced relationships that are harmful or keep us stuck.
When we neglect to assess our relationships, we might find ourselves stuck in unhelpful or unhealthy patterns out of habit, fear, or obligation. If, for example, someone is meaningfully working on embracing authenticity and honesty in their current life, then an assessment of a friendship with someone known to be deceptive could be revealing. This evaluation can help anchor us in a way that allows us to move toward our values while also practicing boundaries within our relationships (more on this to come).
I want to leave you all with questions to consider how your relationships are currently heading toward success (or not). An inventory of the current relationships in your life might have you asking yourself where you want to spend your time and energy. With this in mind, here are some key questions to help you evaluate the health and success of your relationships.
As you go through these questions, remember that no relationship is perfect, and none will check every box. However, reflecting on your connections can help you become more intentional about where you invest your time and energy.
Healthy relationships should support your growth, align with your values, and provide security rather than anxiety. Suppose certain relationships are consistently draining, one-sided, or misaligned with your needs. In that case, it may be time to set boundaries, have honest conversations, or even reconsider their place in your life.
Ultimately, the goal is not to judge relationships as simply "good" or "bad" but to ensure that they contribute positively to your life and well-being. Taking the time to assess them is an act of self-care, one that can lead to stronger, more fulfilling connections with others—and with yourself.
Take a few moments to go through the questions in this post. Which relationships in your life feel balanced, and which may need some adjustment? Share your thoughts in the comments—I’d love to hear how this resonates with you!
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Thank you for reading!
~ Ashley & Alex
Keywords: healthy relationships, boundaries, relationship self-assessment, relationship red flags, personal growth, emotional intimacy